Open, Trust, Allow, Receive: A Love Story

Aw! Cutest petootie!!!

Throwback to the days when I was a hyper vigilant, obsessive walker commonly dedicating 2 hours daily to moving that stuck, stagnant, stale energy that accompanies heartache, loss, and grief.

I was deeply immersed in pulling myself out of the trenches - rising up and out of the ashes, literally and figuratively.

Everything I’d worked to build and create had seemingly been taken from me, including my sense of self-worth and self-esteem, my home, and any sense of belonging or solid ground.

These days, life, love, home, and hearth look and feel so wholly different.

When I was stuck in the muck and mired in suffering there was little else I could do or focus on.

It was difficult to see the way out of the darkness, but I learned that the only way out was through.

I leaned hard on Thich Nhat Hanh's words: “ There is no way to peace. Peace is the way.”

So, I did whatever it took to cultivate peace in my fragile heart, so that I could heal.

And, so I walked, and I walked, and I hiked in the woods.

And I cried.

And I prayed.

And I got lost.

And I got found.

And, I held on to my tender, broken, disillusioned heart.

And I listened to her.

And I nurtured her back into some semblance of wholeness and reminded her how strong and resilient she is.

And I found true love. And I let it in.

I felt held and safe in a way I had never known.

And within the realm of this trust I felt safe enough to extend, I allowed myself to be open to loving and being loved again.

Open. Allow. Trust. Believe. Receive… I prayed.

Arms outstretched.

Heart reaching for the sun, yearning to feel free again…

I learned that I didn’t need to define or limit my present reality by believing that my past experiences were the only way for love to feel.

These days my heart feels full, and glad, and buoyant, and blessed.

I’ve created a home that matches the vision I saw in my dreams during those dark times.

And I live and love together with the man I dreamed into being.

I’d written pages and pages about him and the depth and quality of deep, abiding, gracious, and spacious love we would cultivate together.

I rode the waves of my emotions, and I learned to listen and honor the highest wisdom; the wisdom that dwells in my heart and connects me with source energy reminding me that I am never truly alone. I am always safe and held.

Meanwhile, here I am today, procrasti-musing on life and love and the beauty that is all around me.

My kitchen is calling. But, first I’m gonna honor the call, not only of my heart, but of my bootie.

And, I’m gonna jump into my boots, bundle up, and venture out to tromp my ass through the snow and feel the sunshine on my face. Because I’m here, and I’m whole, and I’m committed to love and light, baby.

Also, I’m a cheesey McGreenberger. But, what are ya gonna do…?